I was just remembering how I used to compare myself to pictures of girls I saw in magazines and think, ‘if I looked like her my life would be so much better.’
People would like me, they would want to do things with me, I would be so powerful.
But then I met a lot of the girls who were in those photos and I found out they thought the same thing I did. They looked at other girls and thought they themselves weren’t good enough.
So here we all were thinking we weren’t good enough, wasting time playing small at life because of what we thought we lacked.
Living for a standard we had begun to worship and believe in so strongly that it made us go crazy starving ourselves, spending thousands of dollars on supplements and lotions and clothes and literally anything that would make us look at ourselves in the mirror the way those girls looked out at us from the glossy pages of the magazine.
We forgot how to look in the mirror and love the woman we saw.
To see her for ALL of who she was, a woman of purpose, a woman of strength, a woman full of love and life.
A woman to celebrate.
I’m now in my 40’s and these days, social media has become my “magazine.”
The women I choose to follow come in all shapes and sizes.
What resonates with me when I look at them is their authenticity.
The intention behind their work.
The way they talk about their experiences.
Their unique beauty.
I see all these things in my sisters online because I’ve learned to value them in myself.
The true work is not tearing down what other people are doing or judging them for where they’re at.
It’s looking within at our own selves and taking responsibility for the work we need to do to love the person looking back at us in the mirror.
We have to 🛑 stop 🛑 thinking we need to change our appearance when what we really need to change is our minds.
I took these pictures to show you the simple difference in how I look when I’m standing different ways because while I am strong and fit, my body is a real body like yours that moves, breathes, goes through cycles, has cellulite and doesn’t look like a pose.
(Stop comparing how much “better” my body is to yours right now Sharon, what I have to say applies to all of us no matter what size we are)
In my 20’s and 30’s I sat in a plastic surgeons office 4 different times asking about:
- Boob job
- Nose job
- Fat transfer
All in pursuit of an acceptable image I perceived as perfection. Something inside me always said NO when I left those consultations – ‘no, you do not need to change your body. You need to change your thinking.’
(My body my choices – your body your choices – this is my story – plenty get surgery for good reasons, mine were based around unworthiness and insecurity – I’m not here to judge only to reflect and share)
I was so focused on how I looked thinking someone would love me if I just looked “right.” But the truth was no one was ever going to get past that glaring lack of self love that I had.
We project and attract what we believe about ourselves to the world, and the world delivers that to us.
No one is going to save you from your own thoughts. You could feel trapped in your body and have negative thoughts at ANY SIZE – this is not a problem that’s isolated to one type of person. Travel to every country, make a million dollars, lose 20 pounds, date all the men who tell you you’re beautiful but none of it will fill up that hole in your heart that tells you you’re not good enough, as you are, through the changes you go through, as you live your beautiful gift of a life.
There is so much MORE.
YOU are so much more.
Your beauty isn’t how you “appear,” it’s the self respecting behavior you take that aligns with what you value in your life that makes you beautiful.
I think so often we hold ourselves back thinking it’s all too much, too overwhelming, and we look around and compare ourselves to where other people are at, thinking we’ll never get there. There is too much to do, too much to remember and we’re just trying to get through the day.
But the thing is, we never know anyone’s full story from the outside. This is why it is especially important not to compare yourself to other people, because we can never know their journey from looking at a picture, or even just knowing them a tiny bit.
Remember this and be kind to yourself as well as the people you encounter because every one of us has an inner world we live in that deserves compassion and love.
In the past you may have felt like you weren’t doing enough, and that every single thing you learned you had to apply now. If you fell off track for a day with your workout plan, or had a meal that was outside of your diet, you had ruined everything. And you felt like a failure.
We’re so addicted to this “all or nothing” mentality that totally sabotages us. It creates a reason to quit.
But that’s NOT GOING TO BE US.
Today, and every day, I want to flip that “all or nothing” framework you’re subconsciously putting around every effort you make to an “all or something” framework.
With this special Betty Rocker framework, you can never undermine your respect for yourself just because you don’t “follow the diet/plan/rules perfectly.”
Hold this framework as the most important throughline you have as we move forward, and repeat it like a mantra: ALL OR SOMETHING, not all or nothing.
You have today, right now.
Yesterday doesn’t matter.
Tomorrow isn’t here yet, and your life will be shaped by your actions TODAY.
Focus on adding something TODAY, one thing that takes you a step closer to your goals. Not ALL the things. SOMETHING. And do that tomorrow too.
Each day, each week just notice how your life is now full of things that are helping you, and remember to be kind and uplifting to yourself in the process – not negative and harsh.
I decided that I wanted to talk to myself the way I talk to my best friends. To look for what was good and not what was “bad.” I decided to be grateful and choose love over judgement.
Nourish yourself with kind thoughts, whole foods ,good friends, exercise, sleep, sunshine, things you enjoy, and GIVE BACK. ❤️